Distancing from Cork

For a start, it is further than from here to Clare. It is also a long way to Tipperary, but a longer way to Cork. But the distance between my thinking and the thinking of the Cork GAA County Board Chair who has recently announced the banning of Confederate flags at Cork GAA matches is probably unfathomable, immeasurable and into the realm of imaginary numbers. [That’s enough links; let them educate themselves – Ed.]

The most temperate description of the County Board Chair’s banning decision is that it is bandwagon jumping and virtue signalling of the worst kind. The most accurate description is that it is plain stupid. Had she supplied along with her banning statement a list of even ten actual black people who were offended at the inoffensive practice, I might have been more disposed to listen to her with a more sympathetic ear. As it is, I fully expect Cork fans, particularly those among them who do not know the real reason Cork is nicknamed the Rebel County, to find ingenious and humorous ways of circumventing the ban, and look forward to games of ‘chase the flag’ on the terraces, which may prove more interesting than the fare offered up on the pitch below, should football be the sport in question.

But there is a different way to point out the ridiculousness of the decision. I have mentioned before the philosophical technique of reductio ad absurdum, or as it is called among the great unwashed ‘drive the fool further’, and this would undoubtedly be the most effective reaction to the banning of the Confederate Flag. A quick glance at the pic above will reveal that there are a variety of flags in use by Cork fans, including the flags of Switzerland, the Red Cross and the Untied (sic) States of America. Now Mexicans in general are too in thrall to the land over the Pond to actually propose the banning of its flag on grounds of the unrelenting racism, colonialism and terrorism carried out by the government of that country. But there is another flag that has a touch of red and white in it. This one here:

My suggestion to Cork fans is that they start to bring the Union Jack with them to matches, and then to make countless submissions to the Cork County Board that they should be banned from so doing on the grounds that the country the flag represents has a worse history of racism, promotion of slavery and inhumanity to man than the Confederate Flag could ever have. Indeed, the country is still actively involved in colonialism in a portion of this island. These actions should promote an international incident of such embarrassment to Leo ‘white civil service’ Varadkar – and to the Cork County Board – that I would fully expect a directive to the fans telling them that they can go back to using the Confederate Flag so long as they ditch the Butcher’s Apron as soon as possible.

Cork people think they are special, and do not normally take kindly to advice from outsiders, but I would urge them on this occasion to listen to what I am saying and to act accordingly. Cork people not only think they are special, they are special, but, and this is something that they seem not to realise, so are the rest of us. Each county – geographical divisions imposed on us by our Saxon rulers – has its own traits and characteristics: Donegal people’s hearts are like their mountains, apparently; Kerry people are as cute as hoors; Cavan people are just special education needs. If you want a complete rundown, have a watch of Niall Tobin in full flow.

Meanwhile, back at the front line of the culture wars, I noticed this story on BBC Norn Iron news site. Joking aside – I mean this mob turning up to protest against another protesting mob that did not turn up – that story is actually quite sinister. Any time I read of right-thinking Norn Iron men gathering to ‘defend’ something, I know that the next stage is usually attacking innocent Taigs. So I have battoned down the hatches on the hacienda for the foreseeable.

As for what type of mythical creature an innocent Taig might be, I will let you educate yourself on that matter. [Good man, you can hear me – Ed.] (To tell you the truth, Ed., I am you.) […! – Ed.]